the wandering path

some times one wanders far away from the path. maybe they wander away for the wanting of a new view, maybe for the longing of a new life, maybe just to get as far away from where one is that they just run towards something else. there are so many reasons for wandering.  my path led me into the magical world of film. for this i will be forever thankful and i hope i get to find the secret wardrobe and pop in and out of this world for a very long time.

but while in the world of film i lost a part of myself. the part that talks to faeries, and digs in the garden to process anger and hurt and re-arranges furniture to create change and manifest money.

i got lost on this path because i was learning a new skill-making food for 30-50 people, organizing things and working really long days. also it didn't help that i was consuming too much sugar and caffeine to try and maintain the pace of creative whirlwind projects.

at some point last year i looked around and realized that none of these new people really knew me.

i mean they knew me-because you can't not know each other working in that intensity of creating a thing  together and getting shit done. but they didn't REALLY know me. no knew i was a faery doctor with extensive shamanic training, no one knew i specialize in foot pain in my side life and barely anyone knew i was simultaneously hosting an airbnb in part of my home. they knew the important things like, i make real food to feed and nurture them, i figure out their favorite treats and brings them while putting them besides vegetables, i always have chocolate and i smile a lot .

but i got lost on this path.

and i got broken (by water bottles).

i stopped gardening, and stopped taking on new clients, and sort of stopped breathing.

part of this was being in a different city from my long time companion. supporting my husband and best friend to make a career leap and get his feet wet in los angels also took an immense toll on my person.

through this diversion off the path i realized the path i was on had some very important features of joy, and strength, and I'm gonna fucking pull this off no way o.O

sometimes we have to get lost to remember.

sometimes we have to get lost to see how strong we really are, to be challenged.

sometimes we also have to get broken and sad to remember that things like-i can no longer take care of others if i am in this much pain. that my whole job before film was helping get others out of the place i now found myself.

the other grand part about wandering off the path is all the treasure one discovers, things that get stuffed in pockets, adventures undertakes and moments of laugter along the way. more about that to follow.

what i know to be important from this getting lost in the world of film and loosing myself to find myself: energy is key to so many things. the garden is my solace and even 20 minutes in it can refresh, renew and invigorate-i must stop sitting inside and sit there. people are incredible, generous, creative and amazing. food really can change everything. re-arranging the furniture does work, so does dusting the corners and cleaning the baseboards. do not be afraid of shifting everything, a new perspective can rattle so much loose and bring so much in. cases of bottle water are my nemesis. dr pepper can save my life and others(it's still horrendously bad for me but magic at the same time).  being a faery doctor is a fucking rad thing and i need to stop hiding it. pink hair can elevate so many things. back pain and not being able to walk due to back pain may be the worst thing ever-however that has prompted the most radical self awareness adventure to date. it's all about story-i knew this but i didn't want to trust it and now i understand it on such a different level.

guys there is some seriously cool shit happening in my sphere and you're gonna get to read about it next.