insanity

have i gone insane? maybe i need to be locked up in the funny farm? maybe i need to not get a big head from the awesome couple of weeks i have been experiencing in my business. maybe i should go hide some more.

have you ever noticed your own personal expansion/contraction pattern.

well i was sort of aware of it for the past few years but it has got to be a bit insane, and quick to change.

see i am planning a giant change of focus, love and attention with my business.

no need to worry or panic, everything is staying the same. but it is also growing to be so much more.

since i started barefoot phoenix, i knew it was a beautiful first step. i knew there was more to come but i wasn't sure what and i wasn't sure how and i wasn't as knowledgeable or confident as i am now.

(but you are dumb and totally hidey hole introvert) whispers the monsters shush says me to those monsters!

back to the story. last week lightening lit up my brain and my path and I KNEW! knew with perfect clarity and vision what the purpose of my new space was.

and i also knew with perfect vision and clarity that i had to stop hiding, that i was never going to grow anything from the safety of my living room and that i had to take responsibility for my life, my loves, my desire and sitting on my bum whining about everything that could go wrong and why i am unworthy and what's wrong with my life was just stupid.

so i started making a visual business plan.

and i started dreaming really hard.

and i started looking at spaces.

and one of them i am going to look at again tomorrow.

and that started the conversations of you don't even have a savings account currently,and everyone you think is going to help out is totally going to ditch you and laugh. and what?!? YOU?!?! ha haha haha! i can't even imagine.

and really the only comeback i have is that the lady showing me the space liked my idea and totally did not look at me like i was a complete moron. (but that's her job to say nice things and get me to sign on the line, whisper the monsters again)

and really it's quiet a beautiful vision.

and it really needs to grow as the seed was planted many years ago and is sort of busting out of it's current container.

so while the money thing has me going hmmm, how am i going to live and pay and do construction and work and get a loan or an investor or something... hmmm.

unlike every other time before when i couldn't even ask half of those questions before shutting down, i am this time sitting with them and answering, many times with: slowly we will grow it, and i don't really have all the answers now but let me get back to you.

it's insane.

and beautiful.

and scary as the idea of diving out of an airplane or swimming with sharks.

to honor tiny sweet thing that is ready to be born let's declare an OOD (object of desire) -Havi style with amy! twists.

declaration of desire!

I want to create a space where people come to meet, play, dance, transform, relax and play some more.

do i want it?

i really, really do!

and so do the faeries and i think the whole world might want it too even though most of them will never ever play in it, the knowing that this space exists somewhere in the world can be enough!

qualities:

glee::joy::creativity::abundance::working::sharing::healing::trust::introspection::expression::

problemsolving::courage::delight::ease::magic::dreaming::experimentation::learning::yay!::

freedom::stretching::expansion::safety::visibility::discovery::mapping::exploring::finishing::

celebration::success::peace::rest::dance::movement::pattern unwinding::play!play!play!

gwishes:

to listen deeply

to raise the vibration of the space and the people who interact with the space, the surrounding area and everyone waiting for the bus or passing by.

to create a place where battling procrastination, shoulds and the inner committees is fun.

to have a storage closet full of costumes so you go in yourself and can come out a super hero.

to help people embrace their slightly elevated selves, to grow & change & evolve into their awesomeness.

to provide a safe place to play and experiment and create. to make it as much fun to fail as it is to create.

to step further onto my own path as a healer and facilitator. to love what i do utterly.

why do i want this?

because it is time (and a bunch of other stuff i am silent retreating on)

and that's enough for one post as the OOD contains many more questions and you can read about it here on Havi's blog!