headstand

so i have had this new years resolution for the past 3 years to do a headstand. the first two years i barely even attempted anything which would make it happen.

last year i started making movements towards it. approaching cautiously and hesitantly and with much trepidation.

see i have this weird belief that somehow doing a headstand is going to turn things on their head (hee hee)

it's scary as an adult (who is me) to willingly put yourself in a position where you could fall down and hurt yourself. i mean ouch who likes falling?

i never had the guts as a kid to do the crazy shit on the monkey bars other girls were doing, i did a headstand once in gym in elementary school with my partner holding my legs and the p.e. teacher said my knees were all wrong. why would i willingly ever do that again? (i thought i must look like those tiny gymnasts but obviously i was giant and awkward.)

anyway the headstand is intimidating and scary, a whole new set of abdominal muscles to try out, a whole terrifying moment of kicking myself up or more likely in the face and anywhere really but up.

so last weekend i was ushering out my last client of the day and i had this fuck it all moment of "i am going to do this thing !" (if it kills me was implied)

so i drug over the blanket and propped it next to the wall, i cupped my hands around my head stuck my elbows out to the side and started trying to kick up. (i am totally fantasying about crashing onto the shoe rack or the chairs [across the room] or breaking my neck)

if you haven't tried kicking yourself into headstand as a squishy overweight adult, well i can image it is a bit horrifying to watch. completely awkward. completely wrong and mostly like a jackass that just got stung by a bee.

kick, kick, kick, ah i touched the wall-crap i'm coming back down

pant, pant, pant mini prep talk you can do this just (teacher me tries to give helpful and completely not useful advice-which i ignore)

again! kick kick kick ahhhh 5 seconds of one foot on the wall

again! kick kick kick

o.O

holy guacamole! i am here upside down against a wall! what do i do, whatdoido, what do i do? ahhhh back down!

pant pant pant

run downstairs Eric i did it! i did it! Eric very politely asks if i'd like to show him. (um NO-well ok, maybe a tiny, little bit, a lot)

run back up stairs

kick kick kick!

yayay! 30 seconds against the wall!

now i hate to report that not everything magically changed in that 30 seconds of enlightenment.

but what did change was that i realized, again, that maybe the things we fear aren't nearly as scary once you step into them.

and i now sorta want to play with the pose and my control and maybe by the end of this year not only will i have done a headstand, but maybe even one away from the wall.

O.O

except maybe everything did shift because i am planning how to take it further, and sink into it and what comes next. and that is how the world changes bit by tiny bit, which opens up the next bits, which leads to further bits.

share your moments of "i did it!" in the comments or just throw me some confetti or sparkles.

if you liked this story but don't want to do a headstand you could get a tarot reading. which is sort of like facing your fears and solving all your problems in one grand swoop!