talking to myself

My twitter bio states it plane and clear, I like talking to invisible things way more than real people. It feels safer and that weird social awkwardness is never there. But who is it I talk to and what on earth do I talk about?

Let me try and tell you.

I wrote this post a while back about the doors in my brain that sort of sets the scene. When I am reading tarot cards or hosting a talk to the faeries call, I walk down the part of my brain [hallway] and knock on the faery door and voila! Now I am talking to faeries asking them your questions and translating what they say back to you.

But let me try to tell you a bit about the different energies or invisible [people? spirits? things?] I talk to. Because when trying to understand yourself it helps to try and put it in words if only to understand that there are no words.

the cards a.k.a. Tarot

Tarot being an ancient recording device full of myth legend and transformative powers has a huge energy system attached to it.

Talking to the Tarot is a bit like going into an ancient library filled with books, scrolls and ancient words, but also filled with stories and pop culture references from our times.

Its a dark place of knowledge, and when I look at the cards I get bits and pieces of this knowledge. I catch glimpses and words and phrases and pieces of this persons story and that myth and this movie and it all sort of comes pouring out of my mouth.

The cards each have their stories, but the relationship of the cards is what intrigues me. Why did this one show up to stand next to that one and what does it have to do with the previous one. Is there a connection, or do they just happen to be sitting by each other? These are the questions I ask-sometimes out loud.

In a reading you will often hear me asking of the card why are you here? I am confused by your presence it's not at all what was expected, or do you have anything else to say?

the faeries

The fea are an interesting bunch to hang out with. I think out of all the groups I have talked to in my life, the faeries have been there longest [I just didn't know it]. Full of spunk and ideas and so much energy I remember hours outside which others deemed boring full of adventure and insight. Maybe it was just my imagination running wild and probably it still is, but really who cares.

After taking a faery doctoring class and being properly introduced to the world of faery I have spent the last six years trying to figure out a) how to help faery b) how to say I talk to faeries and c) how to help others by talking to faeries for them.

For some reason there has been an external and external struggle of epic proportions, which will be written about at a later date. Let's just say it involves not wanting to be one of those people. Stupid ego.

So talking to faeries is a lot like when I worked at the daycare or in the junior high art classrooms... loud and full of activity.

Full of advices they pull things out of my brains and make me say it. Like you want help working on your book well I just happen to read all these things and the faeries go and find them and say this one is for her and this activity and tell her to try this and oh ask her to stand on her head for 10 minutes a days for the next 3 days and watch the sunsets and go home a different way everyday and then everything will be grand.

I don't even know.

I really really don't. But it seems super helpful to others and the faeries love to talk and honestly they do seem to know the right things to pull out of my brain and have me say.

And it's really fun to talk to them, even the tricky ones, and although the darker ones aren't what I'd call fun they are extremely amazing to see in passing. I tend to avoid them but sometimes they have a very important contribution to make to a session or a writing.

Sometimes when talking with faeries I pull angle cards (the ones with words) or tarot cards to help center me and give me focus. because like I mentioned above it is loud. Rarely does only one feary show up to talk to you and me, usually its 3-10 and sometimes they all talk at once.

the guides [which is a HUGE variety of invisible beings]

In my shamanic training I have had the privilege to be introduced to many energies and guides, both my own and others.

Sometimes I tap into space energy trying to talk to the house or the land or a building to get it to shift or change or just to say hi and be polite before I stomp all around in it. This energy feels contained and spacious and tangible.

Sometimes I talk to animal energy as I need some protection or animal friends keep showing up in strange ways and obviously want me to know something. This energy feels earthy and cave like and like the animal itself.

Sometimes I talk to, well I guess spirit guides or angles energy or soul energy. This energy feels white and spacious and huge and all knowing and encompassing and often talks to me about healing and the ways of the world and checks in with me about purpose and why is this happening and hero journey type information. They talk slow, but sometimes I have a really hard time translating what they say.

The guide energy was the first one I was really aware of when I started on this path. I guess because it is so huge and different and calm that I knew it wasn't just my imagination. My imagination can in no way be that peaceful or intelligent.

The guides have lots of things to say about path and growth and safety and protection and healing and blocks in energy. Sometimes you don't understand what they are talking about until months or years later and then all of a sudden-everything is different. Guides don't understand time or timing because they are universal and eternal and time is an invention we use, so asking then when things are happening is strange.

So there is so much more to say about this but I think I am done for now...