retreating

i want to talk about the process of getting ready to leave.

of embarking.

of making plans in advance and then waiting and then finally getting ready to go and then going.

of the excitement and anticipation of the idea of going.

the packing of bags, the deciding what's important, the re-arranging of events and luggage.

and the anxiety that sets in moments or days before leaving.

the 'what if's' and the 'should i really' and the wanting to turn back and the fear of stepping into this experience-the unknown.

the what if i hate it?

what if no one likes me?

what if i get sick?

what if i can't understand anyone?

*big sigh*

today i'd like to hold space to just be in that energy. to just be honest with the unknowns and the fear and to try to and see if there are anyways we can bring a little bit of safety and security and re-spark a little of the original excitement.

today i'd like to build blanket forts and take long walks collecting fall leaves and breathe in ease instead of focusing on things i cannot control.

stepping into new things always has a bit of trepidation.

i can't control anything but this moment so why focus on all the things that could go wrong?

why not instead focus on one foot in front of the other, and what my body is telling me, and the reasons why i felt excitement at the thought of this voyage. maybe i should focus on paying attention during my 3 hour drive.

why not look at the chaos as a pretty picture instead of a threatening monster.

it's not going to work all the time, but for a second it interrupts the pattern and that second is enough to shift everything and invite in curiosity, exploration, excitement and breath.

faeries want to add that dancing always helps any situation, so wiggly your bum and re-set.

faeries also want to say that the important thing here is stepping into the unknown.

[i wrote this last week, the day before i left for a week long adventure-am home now and had a wonderful time full of discover and reflection. leaving the hotel room also invoked some of these what-if's and the stress of coming home and jumping right back in, but that is news for another post.]