i have to try

so a year ago i got a letter in email you can read about it here on my faeries on fridays post

it sorta broke me a little. there was so much pain and dissappointment and longing. you could feel the conflict and the pulling of wanting life to be more but not wanting to be dissapointed or hurt like last time.

after crying for a day or two i realized that i had to try.

i didn't know how to talk about the stuff i know-i still don't. i didn't understand what form it could or should take, i just knew i had to make regular time for regular conversations.

it took a year but the beginnings are here in betwixt and between

i understand the pain of loosing faith, of not having connection, of wondering if you are crazy.

i have felt how shitty life is if there is nothing more than work and paying bills and feeding yourself.

i know what its like to cry so hard you are afraid you will never be able to stop, or worse that the shaking will actually tear apart your atoms and you will just dissolve.

to live without wonder and awe and inspiration is intolerable.

you are magic. this world is magic.

there is so much we are incapable of understanding and experiencing because we have to take everything we think we know and put it aside.

to follow laughter, to spin in circles, to search for faeries, to breathe in pink, to taste sunshine.

i'm know i'm not so good at it, and i still get sucked into the fears of not making enough money to pay my mortgage and what will people think about me and is it ok.

but everyday i am trying to have adventures, to create, to drink in the sky and to wear stripey socks to remind myself that-this is not permanent, this life is really very short, so why don't i dance a bit more.

it's too short to not believe in something-especially as an adult.

so i don't care if it's unicorns, dragons, faeries, aliens, God, Buddha, money hedgehogs or raw food. believe in the magic of that thing and love it up. (also feel free to add or change your beliefs at anytime because it is good for your brain)

if you want to explore and dive into the conversation with me and the faeries you can play here every friday or sign up over here.  

**this post is directly inspired by my monday morning check in with Heidi! who is a goddess of awesome**