apple pie in a jar
6 apples - peeled, cored, and finely chopped I cut my apples into tiny triagles becausse FUN!
4 cups white sugar
1 large lemon, zested and juiced
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon cardamon
2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/8 teaspoon allspice
1 packet of pectin
Directions
Combine apples, about 1 cup water or apple juice, lemon juice, lemon zest, and spices AND pectin in a pot; bring to a rolling boil. Cook at a boil and add sugar, return to a boil stirring occasionally for 10 minutes. Put a small amount of jam on a cold plate; freeze for several minutes. If the mixture is gelled, it is ready to process in a canner. (If you don’t care that your jam might be slightly runny you can skip this and test simply by looking at how it coats the back of a spoon as you remove it from the jam)
Sterilize the jars and lids in boiling water for at least 5 minutes. Pack apple jam into hot, sterilized jars, filling to within 1/4 inch of the top. Run a knife or thin spatula around the insides of the jars after they have been filled to remove any air bubbles. Wipe the rims of the jars with a moist paper towel to remove any food residue. Top with lids and screw on rings.
I rarely ever do the following steps choosing instead to pack hot jam into hot jars and turning them upside down to seal them. I figure my jam rarely makes it past a few months so the potential for death by bacterial infection is my version of gambling.
Place a rack in the bottom of a large stockpot and fill halfway with water. Bring to a boil and lower jars into the boiling water using a holder. Leave a 2-inch space between the jars. Pour in more boiling water if necessary to bring the water level to at least 1 inch above the tops of the jars. Bring the water to a rolling boil, cover the pot, and process for 10 minutes.
Remove the jars from the stockpot and place onto a cloth-covered or wood surface, several inches apart, until cool. Once cool, press the top of each lid with a finger, ensuring that the seal is tight (lid does not move up or down at all). Store in a cool, dark area.
The Story
During the hard days of post-radiation blues, I was on a carb kick to keep my energy higher and my body healing from the everyday event of being bombarded with yuck. My skin was red and raw and mad. I was drained and raw and in a very deep funk.
Turning to caffeine, bread, and sugar became my crutch. I realize looking back that these overly caffeinated and gluten-filled habits potentially contributed to my continued lethargy and depression. But they also made me feel better at the moment ahh! addictive body chemistry. I am all for addictions if you know you are doing it and it is serving to pull you along to a better place and you are willing and able to pull the plug when you restore enough energy and grace to start the deeper healing. Some addictions can help heal you to a place where you can then actually start the process of healing, some addictions pull you straight to the bottom so you can climb out and some addictions are just habits we aren’t willing to let go of.
During the same time I was making grapefruit vanilla jam I had an overabundance of less that crispy apples and I did not want to make yet another apple crisp or an apple pie, nor am I a big fan of apple sauce. Apples can be so traditional.
I searched to see if apple jam was a thing and that lead me to realize I could make a delicious chunky jam that could be spread upon toast or most likely could be saved for future use as a pie, tart, crisp filling. I added cardamon to the list of spices and was delighted by the flavor.
These few busy days in the kitchen stirring pots of jam gave me hope. Not only had I crafted beautiful food to eat over the next few months, I also had foods to share with others. A way to begin to invite people over to nibble, a way to say thank you to friends and family who helped take care of me on post-surgery days that my partner was at work. I had offerings. I had done something from start to finish. But more importantly, I could see the other side of exhaustion. The side where this was a normal thing I just did on a whim.
In this moment a small shift was starting that I would not really understand for many months into the future. I was weaving my health back into existence through the small unremarkable act of producing jam. Jam would become almost an obsession from this point as I continued not only to experiment with flavor but through the experiments to heal. Some of these experiments did not go well, some went bad, some flavors went terribly sideways and some were completely magical. I learned to trust my body when picking ingredients. letting whimsy pick things, or walking out into the yard and grabbing handfuls of herb or flowers to put in. I learned that lilac can be bottled and became obsesed with the delecate floral that last for such a short time outside, but could grace my tounge and nose once more during winter months.
Healing is such a strange and personal thing. I encourage you to find rituals and small delights and obsessions to help you manage where you are and what you need. Learn a new way to communicate with your body through flavor or texture and from there maybe you can start to understand more complex needs your body is trying to commicunicate to you.
Until then, may I suggest pancakes with a large helping of apple pie jam.
Tasts Sensations
This jam on goat cheese
While I don’t often eat pork chops or pork loin this jam would be a delightful addition, probably with a balsamic or acid to pick up the carmalized bits in the pan
Pancake and waffle topping
Stuffed in crepes with yogurt or marcapone
As the base for a crips or pie potentially with the addition of other fresh apples
Stuffed in frozen phylo dough cups
On Oatmeal
Cut pie dough with a 3” round and plop a bit to make a tiny hand pie
Using Canned biscuits or fresh biscuites roll tablespoon of bicuit in cardamon (or cinnamon) and sugar and pile balls of dough in a bunt pan interspersed with apple pie jam to make the most incredible moneybread like dessert/breakfast treat.
Just eat it with a spoon strait from the jar